Handouts from Australia's Foster Parent Conferences 2008
Parent’s Rights
1. Parents have the right to set the pace. You can slow the action at any time. You can call time out and
stop the fights.
2. Parents have the right to ask other parents and professionals for help and advice. If you can’t come up
with a plan that works, ask for help. Whatever problem you are having with your foster child, you can bet money
that other foster parents have experienced the same type of problem. Instead of re-inventing the wheel, ask
another foster parent what has worked.
3. Parents Have a Right to Change Their Minds. If something is not working, remember that your plan was
not written in concrete. Dissect it, use parts that have merit, scrap the bad stuff, add new stuff and come up with
a revised plan.
4. Parents are human beings. You have a right to be wrong sometimes. As part of being a couple, each of
you has strengths and weaknesses. Use your strengths in a complementary way to each other. Do not dwell on
each other’s weaknesses. Use the best of what each of you has to offer.
5. Parents have the right to remain a couple, not just be parents! Do Couple stuff. You cannot survive in
your marriage by acting as parents 24 hours a day.
Couple’s Time Out Guidelines
Use “I” language, such as, “I think I’m about to lose it,” rather than, “It looks as though you are about to
lose it.” Describing the way “I” feel helps keep it from seeming as though I’m blaming you. Example: “I am about
to blow it, let’s take ten minutes away from the kids and each other.”
Be aware of each other’s body language and unspoken words. Usually one of you will be able to sense if
things are going down the wrong path.
Either one of you can call for a time out for any reason. When the time out signal is given, stop the
discussion or interaction immediately.
Have a pre-set amount of time agreed upon for time out situations. Always return after the set time
amount. Not returning afterward will only make things worse. Ask your partner if it is a good time to finish the
discussion and if not, set a time where you will both be in a better frame of mind to talk.
Never leave for the time out getting the last word. Silence will be golden at that particular moment.
During the time out, do not go to a friend or use the phone to complain to anyone about the problem. By
doing that, you will be trying to build a better case against your partner instead of chilling out. Do not rehearse
what you could have said or what you will say for the very same reason.
The best way to use a time out is to do something physical. (I clean the house.) A short walk or exercise
is good. It will allow you to burn up some of your angry and restless energy.
After the time out, try to find one small technical error you made yourself. Say something like, “I know I
was partly wrong and partly right in my thinking. I should have gone more toward…..” By doing this you will
lighten the tone of the disagreement. Stick to the issues. Don’t drag up anything from the past or use phrases
such as, “You always,” Why can’t you,” or “You’re always the one who…..”
Professionalism And Teamwork
With
Allen & Mary Goodearle
Motives for Foster Parenting:
Want to help needy child
Give a child a better home
Share love with a child
Share your home and well-being
Add to your family
Hope to adopt
For the money?? NOT!
ALTRUISTIC MOTIVES FOR ALL!
CHANGES & SURPRISES!
Organizational Chart
Team Circle
Work Toward Professionalism:
Always think of yourself as a professional!
Continue to Learn
When the going gets tough, do something about it!
Hold yourself to professional standards!
Join a support group
Critique yourself
Work Toward Professionalism:
Don’t ever allow yourself to feel inferior!
Document your cases!
Celebrate your successes both large and small!
Know your strengths
Know your limitations!
Learn to say no
TEAMWORK
Definition of “Teamwork”
A team is a small number of people with complementary skills, who are committed to a common purpose,
performance goals, and approach for which they hold themselves mutually accountable.
THERE IS NO COACH OR WINNING OR LOSING IN THIS DEFINITION!
TEAM GOAL?
ACHIEVE BEST OUTCOME FOR CHILD!
We Start Out With the Same Goal, BUT?
Foster Parent’s Goal=
Keep the child in my home where he is safe and loved!
Social Services, Social Worker,
Agency Goal=
Get the birth parents to meet the court’s
requirements to get their child back!
Sometimes We Begin to CLAIM a Child Who is Not Ours to CLAIM!
Become a Better Team Member:
Spend time with your team
No Hidden agendas
Share your knowledge first-hand!
Listen & Understand before you speak!
Focus on Team’s performance
REMEMBER YOUR MUTUAL GOAL!
Respect Ideas and Expertise of your team members!
Be open-minded and flexible.
When you don’t get cooperation from a team member, solicit help from other team members.
View your team mates as collaborators, not competitors!
View yourself as an equal team member!
Don’t give up your power!
Focus on Solutions!
Henry Ford once said:
“Don’t find fault; Find a Remedy!”
Love Your Kids Enough
To
Be A Great Team Member!
To
Be A True Professional Foster Parent!
To
Let Them Go
Check Out Mary’s Website:
www.fostercaretrainer.com
Return to home page
e-mail Allen & Mary At:
newparadigms2000@yahoo.com